Most arguments don’t need better words. They need a pause. In this clip, Dr. John Gottman explains why the 5-second pause works. That tiny delay helps our brain switch from “react” to “think,” so we can identify what we’re feeling and name a positive need. When we lead with needs, conflict becomes a conversation. When we lead with reflex, it escalates fast. Want the full 5-step guide for calmer conflict, including soft start-ups, repair attempts, and what to do when you feel flooded? Read it her
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Most arguments don’t need better words. They need a pause. In this clip, Dr. John Gottman explains why the 5-second pause works. That tiny delay helps our brain switch from “react” to “think,” so we can identify what we’re feeling and name a positive need. When we lead with needs, conflict becomes a conversation. When we lead with reflex, it escalates fast. Want the full 5-step guide for calmer conflict, including soft start-ups, repair attempts, and what to do when you feel flooded? Read it her
93.9K views8 months ago
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In this clip, Dr. John Gottman explains that it’s not really about having too many bids for connection. The real problem is when only one person’s bids seem to count. Your needs matter just as much as your partner’s. “Can we talk for a few minutes?” is a bid. “Can you sit with me?” is a bid. “I need 30 minutes to myself” is a bid too. You’re allowed to ask for connection. You’re allowed to ask for space. Both are valid, and both deserve to be heard. | The Gottman Institute
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In this clip, Dr. John Gottman explains that it’s not really about having too many bids for connection. The real problem is when only one person’s bids seem to count. Your needs matter just as much as your partner’s. “Can we talk for a few minutes?” is a bid. “Can you sit with me?” is a bid. “I need 30 minutes to myself” is a bid too. You’re allowed to ask for connection. You’re allowed to ask for space. Both are valid, and both deserve to be heard. | The Gottman Institute
73.9K views9 months ago
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Trust and commitment are built in everyday choices. Dr. John Gottman calls this “thinking for two,” meaning we make decisions with our partner in mind, even when they are not in the room. Not just “what do I want?” but “how does this affect us?” Our blog breaks down what trust and commitment can actually look like in real life, including cherishing your partner, following through, and choosing actions that protect the relationship day to day. Read it here: https://bit.ly/3YHDyiZ | The Gottman In
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Trust and commitment are built in everyday choices. Dr. John Gottman calls this “thinking for two,” meaning we make decisions with our partner in mind, even when they are not in the room. Not just “what do I want?” but “how does this affect us?” Our blog breaks down what trust and commitment can actually look like in real life, including cherishing your partner, following through, and choosing actions that protect the relationship day to day. Read it here: https://bit.ly/3YHDyiZ | The Gottman In
71.3K views8 months ago
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Here is how to FIGHT RIGHT | with John and Julie Gottman
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Here is how to FIGHT RIGHT | with John and Julie Gottman
41.9K viewsFeb 12, 2025
YouTubeThe Gottman Institute
“Staying together for the kids” can sound selfless. It can also keep you stuck in a relationship that feels empty and hopeless. In this clip, Dr. John Gottman talks about what to do when you feel trapped. First, you confront it. You talk honestly about your unhappiness, you work on the relationship, and you try to repair. But if you have tried and tried and still feel no change, sometimes the answer really is separation or divorce. The hard part is knowing which situation you are in. We have an
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“Staying together for the kids” can sound selfless. It can also keep you stuck in a relationship that feels empty and hopeless. In this clip, Dr. John Gottman talks about what to do when you feel trapped. First, you confront it. You talk honestly about your unhappiness, you work on the relationship, and you try to repair. But if you have tried and tried and still feel no change, sometimes the answer really is separation or divorce. The hard part is knowing which situation you are in. We have an
33.7K views9 months ago
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Can you have a 'good' fight in a relationship? Introducing Julie and John Gottman's groundbreaking TED Talk, "Fighting Right: How to Use Conflict for Connection." Watch the full talk here: https://info.gottman.com/ted-talk TED #Gottman #TED2024 | The Gottman Institute
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Can you have a 'good' fight in a relationship? Introducing Julie and John Gottman's groundbreaking TED Talk, "Fighting Right: How to Use Conflict for Connection." Watch the full talk here: https://info.gottman.com/ted-talk TED #Gottman #TED2024 | The Gottman Institute
83.9K viewsJun 11, 2024
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A better sex life starts with better conversations. But when is the best time to bring it up? 🗣️ John says: Let's talk about it in the moment. 🗣️ Julie says: Approach it thoughtfully, outside the the bedroom. They both agree, it’s about how you talk, not just what you say. Who do you agree with: John or Julie? | The Gottman Institute
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A better sex life starts with better conversations. But when is the best time to bring it up? 🗣️ John says: Let's talk about it in the moment. 🗣️ Julie says: Approach it thoughtfully, outside the the bedroom. They both agree, it’s about how you talk, not just what you say. Who do you agree with: John or Julie? | The Gottman Institute
54.8K viewsSep 19, 2025
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Why relationships fizzle out | John Gottman
48.1K views2 months ago
YouTubeBig Think
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“Conflict is inevitable in all relationships. But it doesn’t have to divide you.” In Fight Right, Drs. John and Julie Gottman explain how disagreement can become a pathway to deeper understanding, trust, and connection. Drawing from research with over 3,000 couples, this book shows how successful partners handle conflict in ways that are gentle, constructive, and calm. This National Reading Month, discover how to turn conflict into growth. 👉 Learn more and get your copy here: https://bit.ly/4az
36K views7 months ago
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“96% of the time, how your fight starts predicts how it’ll end. 😳” Drs. John and Julie Gottman sat down with Matthias and Jimmy to talk about why those first 3 minutes of conflict matter way more than we think. Because it’s not the fight that breaks you, it’s how you start it. Want to handle conflict like a pro? Tap the link to watch the full video: http://bit.ly/43g4GbD #GottmanInstitute #ConflictMastery #HealthyRelationships #RelationshipAdvice #LoveMeetsScience #GottmanMethod #CouplesTherapy
33.7K views11 months ago
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1:44
Small Talk Feels Awkward? Try This Instead. John Gottman & Julie Gottman Act out TURNING TOWARD
21.4K viewsJul 25, 2025
YouTubeThe Gottman Institute
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Dr. John Gottman and Jimmy (on Relationship) — Men Are Really Suffering
13.7K views4 months ago
YouTubeThe Gottman Institute
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Stonewalling 🧱 "Can We Talk?" — The Silence That Kills Love #psychology #shorts
21 hours ago
YouTubeFactBlink
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Gottman Bids for Connection: The Tiny Moment Couples Miss
62 views3 days ago
YouTubeUnder the Behavior
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Your child does not need you to be perfect. They need you to be present in the moments that matter. 💙 In this clip, Dr. John Gottman shares something simple and really tender: when kids feel like they come first, they know they can come to you when they’re upset. That sense of “my parent is here for me” is one of the biggest gifts we can give. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the parenting advice out there, you’re not alone. We built Gottman Parenting to make things feel clearer and more do
26.1K views9 months ago
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In his book, John Gottman talks about the evolution of women
169 views3 months ago
YouTubeLaura Milliken
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The 94% Rule of Relationships 💍📉 #psychologyfacts #oyeujjwalsingh #johngottman
212K views8 months ago
YouTubeUjjwal Singh
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Dr. John Gottman explains what early conflict is really asking: Can I count on you? Am I safe with you? Do I matter? If you want 4 easy ways to build everyday trust, click the link in our bio and search 4 Tips to Build Everyday Trust in Relationships.
113.2K views9 months ago
TikTokthegottmaninstitute
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Our mindset doesn’t just influence how we feel, it shows up in the brain. Dr. John Gottman shares research from neuroscientist Richard Davidson, who found that in people with depression, brainwaves are stronger on the side that processes negative emotion. That kind of outlook can spill into every part of life work, parenting, relationships. You stop noticing what’s going well and start focusing on what’s wrong. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. 💬 How do you shift your mindset when negativit
10.6K viewsMay 29, 2025
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An Invention For Better Communication With Your Partner | Ft. Julie and John Gottman
352 views1 month ago
YouTubeLOVERS by Shan
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Dr. John Gottman calls bids for connection the small, everyday moments that build or break a relationship. A shared laugh, a gentle touch, even a simple question or pointing out a bird. These are all ways we seek connection with our partners. The key? How we respond. Turning toward bids strengthens trust and intimacy, while turning away can create distance over time. Want to learn how to recognize and respond to bids for connection? Watch the full video on our youtube channel. https://youtu.be/o
30.6K viewsFeb 7, 2025
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Trust is essential to a relationship's growth and resilience, a concept Dr. John Gottman explores deeply in his Love Lab research on couples. His studies reveal that trust is not instant; it is built gradually through everyday acts of dependability, empathy, and understanding, especially during conflicts. Want to learn more about building trust in a relationship? Watch the full video here: https://bit.ly/3Oii4Eg | The Gottman Institute
28.9K viewsDec 4, 2024
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Turns out, arguing with your partner can actually bring you closer. According to the world’s leading relationship scientists Julie and John Gottman (@gottmaninstitute), it just depends on how you do it. In their TED Talk, they reveal that the key to a long-term, healthy relationship is fighting to understand — rather than to win. The Gottmans share the habits that turn conflict into connection and explain the 3 major styles of fighting that many couples switch between. “If we can all work on lea
2.5K viewsJul 8, 2024
FacebookTED Talks
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In this video, Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman show how responding to (or ignoring) small bids for attention can make or break connection over time. Turning toward each other, even with the small stuff, strengthens your relationship. 💬 How do you usually respond when your partner tries to connect? #GottmanMethod #BidsForConnection #RelationshipTips #TurnToward #EmotionalIntimacy #EverydayLove | The Gottman Institute
183.8K viewsJul 19, 2025
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The Gottman Institute on Instagram: "What if your New Year “reset” was less about becoming a new person and more about setting better boundaries? In this clip, Dr. John Gottman talks about why this season feels so stressful. You look back at the past year, think about how you want to change, and make resolutions for the year ahead. At the same time, there is pressure to be happy, generous, and “on” for everyone around you. That is a lot to carry into January. Boundaries are not about shutting pe
55.4K views10 months ago
Instagramgottmaninstitute
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Healthy Conflict Resolution in Relationships
193.4K views11 months ago
TikToktedtoks
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Your body in a fight #part2
546 views5 days ago
YouTubeDaRealWhy
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4US Moving is an essential part of a happy marriage
37 views1 day ago
YouTube4US MOVING
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The #1 Trust Secret Every Couple Needs to Know from Dr. John Gottman
221.8K viewsOct 30, 2024
YouTubeThe Gottman Institute
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They may be the experts, but even Drs. John and Julie Gottman can act out a messy argument! 🎭 In this playful reenactment, they show what conflict looks like in real life, and how the same patterns show up in other disagreements. The good news? You can break the cycle with a repair. Watch the full breakdown on YouTube! https://youtu.be/_fdRWeGuAgU | The Gottman Institute
28.3K viewsFeb 18, 2025
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